I have to say that I'm probably somewhere between you and Beth here. I grew up in a situation that, at least in terms of church attendance and such, was VERY parallel to Beth's. Stacey knows Beth's family, of course, and so from what she's said about knowing them a bit while growing up, plus what you've said, I have a pretty good idea...my parents were the same way, that if the church doors were open, We.Were.There. Since the church school was part of the church, at least the teachers often lightened the homework load for big revival weeks, but even still...that's ALL that happened during those weeks, period. Again, Sunday School, Sunday morning, Sunday Night, Wednesday night, those were all mandatory and a word against going was a slap to the face of both parents and God, it seemed. I always wanted to at least try to play baseball in a league with other kids, the only sport I ever really loved (and still do, but that's another post for another day...so much mythology and culture involved with baseball as opposed to other sports!), and couldn't even try out or anything because it would potentially infringe on church time. Anything else I might be interested in doing, had to be secondary to church. At least while in high school, I had to make sure that any job I got understood that I was required to be in church during those times. Same goes with any activity, whether I enjoyed it or not (unless the cost was something crazy, of course), going to retreats and out-of-town stuff, and so on...there really was this unexplainable mandate that being in church for everything possible was absolutely expected and to be enjoyed rather than tolerated.
So, anyway, I know where she's coming from and I know how it goes. To be honest with you, I absolutely love my parish, I love Orthodoxy, I love our services, but at times I feel myself slipping either into the same mode of absolute mandate or the mode of projecting that mandate onto myself and others and feeling adverse to it. Sometimes I'll both greatly desire to be there and yet also really not want to go, and I can't totally explain how it works. I think you're right, it's not wrong in and of itself, and it's indicative of a GOOD thing...for me, anyway, I think a big part of the issue is this innate sense that forced ritual for forced ritual's sake isn't particularly positive, and while "ritual" is certainly deeper than just for its own sake in RC & Orthodox churches, there's sometimes a blurry line as far as motive in going, and sometimes it feels like I'm even making myself go more out of "going because we go" rather than any in-depth desire or motivation. As for MYSELF, I can do one of two things, and neither are bad...I can either talk in my head and convince myself of why I'm going, and do a mini-review of why I'm going, why I go in the first place, etc., and end up fine with going. I also, however, can realize that our intent here is NOT to be legalistic and do things merely for the sake of doing them, and that at times it's not a bad thing to miss a service without "a good excuse." Holy Week itself is on a bit of a different plane, you and I would both argue, but for someone a bit newer to all of it and arguably not as "plugged in" to all the detailed depth (and we all don't have to be!), it's quite a bit to attend, and sometimes a gradual assimilation is better than a definitive standard set early on. Same goes with fasting, etc....as Christ pointed out, man was not made for the Sabbath, but the Sabbath for man...and while that's not completely parallel here, the same spirit must be kept in mind, I think. Likewise, with children, the mystery and imagination is wonderful and great and I think that's a big focus for you (and will be with my own kids) and therefore much more positive for C, P, and E than for those in less imaginative, sacramental settings...but sometimes it IS simply drudgery to them, especially when the deeper theological and sacramental elements aren't as rich to them yet. I do think that sometimes it's better for one's spirituality, particularly a child or one less established in liturgical (or whatever, really) spirituality, to NOT feel that they HAVE TO go as much as someone else...it's not even spiritual maturity, necessarily, but more the idea of progressive exposure...especially when someone's exposure itself is of a different nature than "the seeker" or "the journeyman" (such as ours would be).
More on this later, perhaps...Walker should be at our place any minute now and I don't want to make him wait around while I type, hehehe.
By the way, in case anyone is wondering (Walker and I just talked about this yesterday, I think)...a bit of explanation on why the Orthodox Easter is later.
This one gets more into WHY Orthodoxy didn't get with the Gregorian program in 1582... http://www.slocc.com/orthodoxy/oldcal.shtml The site, of course, is run by a parish still on the old calendar for everything, whereas some Orthodox (the Antiochian archdiocese, for example) use the Gregorian calendar for everything BUT Easter.
My own personal opinion is that while I think it's good that many Orthodox do use the new (Gregorian calendar for most things) but still make it so at least Easter happens at the same time for all Orthodox parishes, which IS important...my thought is that Orthodoxy as a whole should buck up, have a council on the subject, and switch as a whole to Gregorian. It's scientifically correct, and along with that, it needs to be introduced as a decision to be made separate from other, more controversial topics, so this can finally stop being a mess every spring.
I'm not sure when he might pop up on here, but Walker's back in town.
Walker, if you read this before I call you later on my lunch hour...our parish has Stations of the Cross tonight with a soup and salad supper just before that. Stations is at 7pm and the supper is at 6:15, feel free to come for the supper if you're coming for Stations. If you want, we can just meet up at my house and leave from there around 6, and then hang out there after. Tonight may not be too promising for wandering around downtown if it's in the 20s and raining. Not that that would stop one of our (by that I mean all 3 of us) 2 hour parking lot discussions, so I wouldn't really be adverse to that, though walking there from our house may not be the best plan.
I don't know if you'll see this on your comment section on your journal, Jeff, but I mentioned that I ran across this in the Psalter this morning:
Psalm 119:71 It is good for me that I have • been in trouble; * that I • may learn thy statutes. That just really seemed to correspond with what you had to say in there...I've been there myself a thousand or so times, it seems... Yesterday Michial and I were talking at lunch and he was telling me about a platonic relationship he has with a good girl friend of his (and someone I know a little bit, but not much...she's still down at his school in GA), and how it's absolutely eye-opening, devastating but necessary when one (he, in this case) realizes that in this situation and relationship, almost every motive is selfishness and wanting to control the situation and relationship, including every action and decision the other person makes...and then one realizes that it's not just in that relationship and situation, but all of life, it's that way, that the reason why we do pretty much *anything* is motivated by selfishness and need for control, and one starts realizing that life shouldn't be about that, and growing hopefully starts to occur. As mentioned above, I often am reminded of that sort of thing in my own life and outlook, and it's almost freeing to realize because at least you KNOW what you're up against and WHY you're treating people the way you do and feeling negatively about them in certain ways. It's interesting, too, because one of our recent but ongoing debates (between Michial and myself) and discussions is that he's embracing a "postmodernist Christianity," so to speak, and he's advocated a certain amount of relativism. I HATE "slippery slope" arguments to I stay away from that, for the most part, but I told him I can't really dig that, because there ARE better motivations than others, there are actions that are right and wrong...and while he said yes, obviously some things are wrong, it's not ours to say that one motivation and reason itself for doing anything is better or worse than any other...and of course I took issue with that, telling him that I myself know that some motivations and such definitely are purer and more "good" than others, and that generally some motivations are distortions of good ones, and so on. Anyway, I find his recent epiphany (or whatever you want to call it) fairly interesting in light of our other conversations. Not trying to get into any kind of private matters or anything, of course, but as a general discussion and debate, I find it pretty interesting. We talk a lot about pre-modern Church (which would be Roman Catholic, or at least Orthodox Roman Catholic, and Orthodox points of view) in relation to post-modern church ideas, I think he's pretty on board with a lot of the McLaren stuff but agrees with the post-modern side of the fundamental differences.
Also, some of what we're talking about (not about post-modernism, but about self, motivations, etc.) is quite parallel to what I'm reading in St. John Climacus' Ladder of Divine Ascent, which I'm reading as a Lenten treat. There are 30 rungs, so with my habits, it'll take me approximately all or most of Lent to read one (occasionally two, perhaps) per day. I don't know if either of you have looked at it much...I actually checked it out of the University Library but will probably look for my own copy on half.com or something. I'm also reading a little bit of a "guide" along with it, written by Fr. John Mack, who wrote the book we used as our pre-marriage counselling (same book as I think I sent to you and Beth, Jeff) and is active at the University of Kansas and I think has had a hand in starting St. Sophia Academy, a little Orthodox school down that way. U of K is right next to Kansas City, and sometimes he gives seminars and lectures down there, so I'm hoping to get down there for one sometime...and eventually I'd like to get him up to our parish to give a talk on, well, pretty much anything, we'll see. Anyway, Ladder of Divine Ascent is really challenging me, though as you know if you're looked at it much, is definitely written for those in a monastic setting...in fact, I think it's read every Lent in many monasteries, from what I've seen. Obviously any of us would get a lot out of it, too, though I'd be a little wary of suggesting it to folks new to the seeking or depth-seeking journey of faith, as it's a bit harsh and easily misunderstood at times. For example, he refers to a wife as a chain or something, holding back a man from spiritual pursuits -- and elsewhere says that marriage is fine and everything for some people, but monastics have chosen a different path and that for them, these kind of relational things can hold them back. I'm trying to take away from it what I can not about marriage, though in a broader sense, even that...but more about philosophical, mental approach to life and the world around. One thing that's sticking in my mind right now is the phrase "your body should be your slave," or something like that...and that's big for me, as often I am my body's slave, and my flesh dictates where I go spiritually, which really isn't the way it should be. I'm sure I'll be sharing more little finds as the next few weeks go on.
By the way, Jeff, there's an Easter package on the way sometime in the next few weeks. You know how it goes, I tend to be late sending anything...though it should get to you all before the Orthodox Easter!
Thanks for the continuing blogodoxy links. I haven't posted there or anything, but look through it sometimes, will probably end up a daily reader... By the way, that icon of Jonah and the great fish they use right above their email link is great! I ordered one just like it for the bookstore a few months ago, and I think people enjoy seeing it in there.
Thanks for your most recent comment in my journal, by the way...as far as the whole writing and school thing goes...the whole "skimpy resume" issue probably won't be a huge factor...my thought is that maybe once I have the MA and Stacey's done with school, we'll try to move back in that general area near chicago and you guys and our families, I'll try to get a teaching gig at a small school around in there somewhere and look at what a doctorate might take. As far as writing goes, I'm definitely not averse to religious pieces from you. We probably won't have a high amount of religious/spiritual content, due mostly to the fact that I'm going to be very very picky for obvious reasons, but the sort of thing you'd write is most definitely what I'm interested in. I plan to do some spiritual writing, as well...one of my many writing goals is to write coherent articles regarding Orthodoxy/Christianity, both to publish in my zine and to submit to other publications. Speaking of which, we're pretty much back to square one on the zine name thing. We thought we were close, but it all kind of fell apart. I'm not particularly good at naming things, in the first place, and Carter and I tend to just not like each others' suggestions. So if anyone has any good ideas...
I'm interspersing writing this and reading that particular blogodoxy linked article. It's interesting that McLaren invited Hopko to an upcoming seminar...Fr. Thomas Hopko is one of the most prolific, intelligent and/yet accessible contemporary Orthodox authors today, very well known and highly respected in Orthodox circles. It'll be interesting to see where this all goes...
On Finke: I generally stand by my point behind doing what I did and saying what I said, and a lot of people have shown support and said things along the line of what you have...and I appreciate that and generally agree. At the same time, I know myself, and I lost control. Not necessarily when he said I did (which was after just deleting something), but in the whole situation, I lost control of my emotions and engaged myself not in being a moderator or administrator, but in oneupsmanship and a "screw with ME, will ya? I'll show YOU!" attitude. Of COURSE that would happen our first week of Lent. Geeeez. Anyway, he and I worked things out, we were both really embarrassed by the whole thing and never meant for it to go crazy. Whatever else he was in the situation, and I could talk about that at length, I was wrong (in my attitude, if nothing else) in the ways I behaved. That said, I have no intention of backing down on principle, but hopefully without becoming an idiot myself next time.
I definitely need to visit those other blogs more often. I have now and then, but hopefully will more regularly. I'm glad you're finding some joy in them, I'm sure I will. Sometimes it's very necessary to be in that kind of environment, if only online...and it's good to get into discussions without everything reverting to rehashed arguments over basic theology.
As far as the rest and the writing...I'm going through a ton of figuring that out, myself. The hardest part for me, and I know it is for you, is that getting anywhere requires a certain amount of work, which means time NOT with people who also want that time. It's not workaholicism, I don't think, and it's not even materialistic "work 60+ hours a week just to make more money and get more stuff"...it's work on top of regular jobs.
To be honest, I do want this to go somewhere. I would've killed the zine and not be trying to revamp and relaunch it if I didn't feel called to write more than just for fun. I'm attempting, through school, to put myself in a position of being able to teach and write, you know, as a way to have a job that I like, and is related to writing. I think that often, phrases like "called to" and "led to" get overused. I just used it above. I mean, do we feel this mandate from God that we MUST do this? I don't know...what I do know is that there's this legitimate, credible talent, and it's something that we have for a reason. Sure, lots of people have writing talented and never use them to honor God in more than an "everything beautiful glorifies God" type way, but you and I have that talent in addition to other talents and interests that makes this more than a very abstract "glorifying God" concept. For me, just the act of "creating" is an act of worship. Not a substitute, per se, for prayer and contemplation and reading, but they all work together, they're all part of a balance, and one doesn't have to preclude the other. In addition to that, I look at people like Flannery O'Connor, Walker Percy, Frederick Buechner, C.S. Lewis, Tolkien, etc., and realize that if we have this balance and prayerful life, then whatever we write will be tinged and in some way lead people to a God-honoring transcendence -- be it in adult, young adult, or kiddie lit. So I see elements of both #1 and #2 in myself, and I think we have to be careful not to create a false dichotomy. I mean, for some people, maybe you, it is a true dichotomy, one or the other...but for me, I can try to write with quality, seek "success" (on a number of levels), enjoy any recognition, but do all based in integrity and prayerfulness. It doesn't need to be a manifestation of pride or something done for purely egotistic or material or worldly reasons, though it certainly could be. If it's really something you want to pursue, it's something you AND your family pursue...I try to make that clear with Stacey and myself. She knows that while I love her, I'll be miserable if I'm a secretary (or whatever along those lines) for the long term...because that's not what I'm supposed to be...whether you want to call it "being called" or "vocation" or what. Maybe I won't be a self-sustaining, career-oriented writer, but I'm putting myself in the position to at least try while at the same time, working on something to do in the meantime or in case that's not to be.
As far as a specific direction, I'm not sure yet. I'm going to continue doing things from a "zine" standpoint, writing not only about music but about other things, spirituality being one of them. I'm working (when I can, which isn't too damn often right now, hehe) on some fiction, as well. I'm writing a ton in my classes right now, and realizing that I probably have a legitimate shot at publishing articles in academic journals in the future. I'm not too good with the "business" end of things, either, to be honest with you, though I can handle it somewhat. I've been in "business" type jobs -- the 3 years at Lemstone, for example, I learned quite a bit -- and taken some classes that were probably worth something. Part of what's good about the zine is that Carter IS good at business stuff, for the most part. He's not too great with PR sometimes, but pretty good with the business end in general. While we obviously aren't paying at this point, I'm always happy to work with you on publishing your stuff in our zine. One of my longer-term goals is to get my writing published elsewhere, as well...that gives us more credibility and exposure, along with whatever personal goals I'd have.
To answer one other question...yes, I think about this type of stuff all the time. I don't know the future, and I don't know I have one specific "elect" vocation type "calling," but I really feel as if I won't know unless I keep proceeding. If I don't move in this direction, then...in what direction? All I really know is that I'm not supposed to be still where I'm at in ____ years, and I'm supposed to be moving, like Abraham, like the Israelites, like Jonah, moving past where I am right now and working to honor God in whatever direction I move. It's not always going to be clearcut what exactly is next after next, but I can take small steps toward getting somewhere...and that's what I know I'm supposed to be doing.
Sometimes I get pretty depressed about where I am, I'll admit...it's tough. It's even tougher when you look around and don't see much time to do much. I think, though, that perhaps prayer for more time and opportunity is a start, and a constant reminder to family and self that they are just as much along on the ride as you are, just as much a part of what's ahead as anything else.
That's about all I have, really...wish I could say more and better. Hopefully we'll both find ourselves remembering this in a few years and understanding it was a necessary period of "strength conditioning" and growth.
I really enjoyed that Richie Havens interview. Thanks! One of this semester's true frustrations is that in our Af Am Novel class, those whose week it is to co-facilitate have to choose music to "wake the spirits," as the prof puts it. I'm sure you can only imagine the stress put on me to reduce this to only one! Someone recently did two, though, so maybe this gets easier. Anyway, Richie Havens' "Freedom" (the version played at Woodstock" may be it for me, though. We'll see. The book we're studying the week I co-facilitate is Ellison's The Invisible Man. Actually, my week we'll just study the first few hundred pages, and the next week they'll cover the last couple hundred.
In the spirit of referencing great community blogs, a pretty good one just started. One of the major Orthodox publishers, Conciliar Press, is sponsoring one where a number of writers contribute.
By the way, Randall Snyder sent me the track listing for his "blues tape" he used...perfect appendix to attach to an already way-too-long paper!
Blues Tape1. Bukka White: Parchment Farm2. Robert Johnson: Hellhound On My Trail3. Blind Lemmon Jefferson: Black Snake Moan4. Lightnin' Hopkins: Hello Central5. Sonny Terry/Brownie McGhee:6. Bessie Smith/Louis Armstrong: St. Louis Blues7. Meade Lux Lewis:8. Jay McShann: Vine Street Boogie9. Walter Brown: Hootie's Blues10. Joe Turner: Low Dog Blues11. Charlie Parker: Bloomdido12. Thelonious Monk: Straight No Chaser13. Horace Silver: Senor Blues14. Cannonball Adderley: Work Song15. Jimmie Rodgers: Blue Yodel No.116. Bob Wills: Swing Blues17. Bill Monroe: Lonesome Road Blues18. Hank Williams: Lovesick Blues19. B.B. King: Three O'Clock In The Morning20. Sonny Boy Williamson:21. Elmore James22. Willie Dixon: Back Door Man23. Albert Collins: Mastercharge24. Muddy Waters: Hoochie Coochie Man25. Magic Slim: Hard To Handle26. Louis Jordan: Choo Choo C'Boogie27. Fats Domino:28. Chuck Berry: Johnny B. Goode29. Little Richard: Lucille30. Bo Diddley: Bo Diddley31. Bill Haley: Rock Around The Clock32. Elvis: Mystery Train33. Buddy Holly: Not Fade Away34. Jerry Lee Lewis: Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On35. Ray Charles: What I'd Say36. Gladys Knight: I Heard It Through The Grapevine37. Wilson Pickett: The Midnight Hour38. Aretha Franklin: Respect39. James Brown: I Feel Good40. Sly Slvester: Thank You for Lettin Me Be Mice Elf41. Rolling Stones: I Just Want To Make Love To You42. Eric Clapton: Crossroads44. Jimi Hendrix: Red House45. Janis Joplin: Me And Bobby McGee
I wasn't aware of the flood stuff, really. I've heard the Led Zeppelin song (they kept the original title, it looks like...same as what you noted), though.
I read a bit about the Piedmont style...didn't insert it into the paper not because Snyder didn't mention it (though given more time, no doubt he would have!) but mostly because my paper ran waaaaaaay too long. I actually did insert the following paragraph, just because no piece on the blues is complete without a little Alan Lomax ref:
"A conversation conducted in 1946 by blues ethnologist Alan Lomax with Big Bill Broonzy, Memphis Slim, and Sonny Boy Williamson lends insight into the lyrical power in the blues. Memphis Slim explains that in some ways, “blues is kind of a revenge. We all have had a hard time in life, and things we couldn’t say or do, so we sing it” (461). For the blues singer, then, the blues represents not just entertainment or art, but soulful expression of life’s frustrations, hardships and trials. The blues began as the only means to speak out in a society largely deaf to black workers’ complaints. Expressions of a more romantic or heartbroken nature held importance, as well, in humanizing black people for a white society that had for so long thought of them as little more than beasts."
As far as slaves and religion goes...I think the reason more slave owners weren't Anglicans is because we have to remember that most of those settling America (and thus immediate ancestors of slave owners) were trying to separate themselves from Anglicanism, if anything. I think that especially in the South, when separated from the more cerebral culture of the East Coast and England, things like the Baptist Christianity were bound to thrive. That's horrid to say, but let's just be honest with ourselves...I think that's really a big part of why things ended up the way they have. I never really thought about that before, but it is very interesting. I'll definitely go check out the Scottish stuff...I need to read the Touchstone blog more regularly, as well as Touchstone itself! One of their contributors recently died, and my priest and his wife were good friends with him. I don't remember his name, though.
So I was looking up additional information on the University of Nebraska professor who presented a talk on the blues a couple weeks back. Turns out he's composed some stuff having to do with Kerouac, as well.
