My turn to apologize for the time in between posts...hehehe. Anyway, I know you guys know that right now is just absolutely crazy for us, anyway. I'll just throw down a few updates and then maybe a reply or two (though that may be a separate post):
(1) We now are officially in our new apartment. We were allowed to start living there last week sometime and as of Sunday, have everything all moved in. Hopefully you can come check it out pretty soon, Walker. We've still got a ton of unpacking and arranging to do, and some of that hinges on the fact that our landlord has a bit more work to get done with a few things, as well. Anyway, we're happy to be at least all the way in now. We're both pretty worn out but the toughest part's over.
(2) Because our cable/internet won't be hooked up until Sept. 4 and quite a few other things weren't moved yet (and didn't need to be until month's end), my computer and such were all still over at the townhouse I'd lived at before the wedding (and Stacey and I were still there often, a few hours a day some days to use the internet, etc.). Well, sometime between Thursday night and Friday night my computer was stolen. We're pretty sure it's a disgruntled soon-to-be-former roommate who has some issues about having to actually pay rent. He got a bit verbally aggressive toward Ben on Thursday about it. I could go into a long character study but let's just say that he's had legal problems in the last year (driving-related like driving on a suspended license, without insurance, driving an unregistered vehicle, etc) and has a penchant for lying constantly...his overall demeanor and personality is that of a violent fratboy. He claims he was in the Marines training to be a sniper but blew out his knee...he drives a highly modified sports car and told me he keeps a registered firearm out there...that sort of stuff. Anyway, I won't go into all the details but the story he tells is that some of HIS stuff got stolen, too, but the timeframe and circumstances basically mean it happened Friday morning sometime while the female roommate was in the house (but sleeping that morning as she works a late night job). The police say there's no sign of forced entry. So anyway, no hard evidence, but we're pretty sure we know what happened. At the advice of the cops, I got anything else halfway valuable out of there Friday night and finished all the other stuff Sunday and turned my keys in to Ben, partially so I don't go in and do something stupid. I'm having a real tough time with all this and swing between this sort of crazy depression or a rage that isn't too healthy. It's not so much about "somebody stole my stuff" -- stuff is just stuff is just stuff -- but more the personal element to it: the trust, for one, but even bigger is the fact that so much personal stuff and hard work is on that computer and is more than likely gone as a result of someone else's violative action. I'm not a tough guy and especially if he's right about having been a Marine (but probably either way, given his circle and size) I'd get pounded if I went after him. Too much of me wants to just find folks to help me beat the truth out of him, but I don't know how the morality of that all works, I really don't. His attitude and everything else has constantly been one of trying to get away with as much as possible, delinquency in paying rent to me and Ben, etc. and just his general demeanor really rubs me the wrong way. I was hoping that nothing big would happen and didn't really thing he'd be dumb/scum enough to pull something big like this...and that I'd move and hopefully things would turn out with him okay with Ben. This makes me want to turn all hardass and go crazy on him, but if that sort of thing is warranted (or could be legally done), then it would be last ditch...and yeah, probably not warranted, much as I keep battling that thought. So anyway, that's a big deal in my life right now.
(3) I won't go into much detail on this one, either, as I'm obviously at work typing this, but I'm hoping to find a new job soon. My boss and I both agree that I'm not a good fit for this position and while she says I'm trying pretty hard and doing my best and not a BAD job, necessarily, my skills and personality really conflict with what this job needs and is about. I'm too creative and analytical and not just a fast, proactive office worker type, basically. So...please pray I can find something good and soon. I don't know that it would be at the university, either (probably not too many jobs for my type that require only a BA) so I need something that pays enough that we can both get through the schooling we are going for in addition to our other needs.
Okay...replies:
First off...what's the outlook on the new house and possibly a new job, Jeff? How's that all going? Second, I don't know too much about Flash, sorry. Third, how's that prayer situation going? Fourth and most exciting, congratulations on the new lil' Kenney? That's really wonderful to hear...Stacey and I sort of had this feeling that we'd hear an announcement soon, for some reason...there just seemed to be this sort of feel in the air (even if you two didn't know yet!) when we were back in Indiana. That's really very cool Peter will have a young sibling close to his age and I'm excited for Cecilia that she'll be big sister to two now!
Okay, second reply...
That is good news about the house, Jeff...that you found one very suitable to your family's needs. Who knows, you may even be blessed with another young'un before too long and then definitely be glad you got into a new place.
I hear what you're saying about jobs and the economy. Granted, I more than lean toward class warrior tendencies, but I think that all it takes is a little observation to see that things just aren't right.
Anyway, that Lindenwood job does sound pretty perfect for you, right up your alley. I'll be praying that that job or another good one works out for you...
I'm sort of in the same place, really...I could go into a pretty long explanation all about my job and all that stuff, and perhaps that's for another day, another blog...but suffice it to say that even though I only came here in February, I think it's time to start looking to move on. I did sort of reassure them in my interview that I wasn't looking for a short-term fix while I got my BA and then would leap into some other field just because I got a degree, but I'm now at the point where I'm realizing that half my "bosses" here are people with no more education or experience than I have, and the bigger issue is the amount and importance of work of one position versus others, and because of the stigma that goes with being a "secretary" I earn less money but do as much (sometimes I think MORE) work, do work just as integral to the operation of the department, but am definitely a "lesser" in all this. Other issues within the department are certainly a factor, as well. I'm trying to sift through and make sure this isn't pride, and perhaps some of it is, but a big part of it is that I feel as if remaining here is somehow "settling." Of course, the fact that I get a certain amount of tuition paid is very nice and certainly a reason to be choosy about any future employment...but I really am going to be just testing the waters and keeping myself informed and aware of what all is out there and semi-actively "searching." I may send off an email with other feelings regarding all this that I don't necessarily feel comfortable putting out there in public for the time being, "just in case."
By the way, I started reading The Brothers Karamazov a while back but had to return it to the library. At this point I've got a bunch of books on loan from you that I'll probably work through before getting back to it, but I definitely want to.
All roit, well, that's about it. We might actually get to move this week, but who knows...the plumbing inspector is the one who was holding it all up by not being reachable, etc., and my landlord told me last night that they tracked him down and he's scheduled to be there this morning, so we'll see. Supposedly the third (and final) inspector is easy to get ahold of and works quickly, so I'm really hoping we'll be started moving by the weekend.
I think I'll reply first to your latest post, Jeff.
From chapter 19 of Imitation of Christ:
Just men depend on the grace of God rather than on their own wisdom in keeping their resolutions. In Him they confide every undertaking, for man, indeed, proposes but God disposes, and God's way is not man's. If a habitual exercise is sometimes omitted out of piety or in the interests of another, it can easily be resumed later. But if it be abandoned carelessly, through weariness or neglect, then the fault is great and will prove hurtful. Much as we try, we still fail too easily in many things. Yet we must always have some fixed purpose, especially against things which beset us the most. Our outward and inward lives alike must be closely watched and well ordered, for both are important to perfection. (then later) Devotions not common to all are not to be displayed in public, for such personal things are better performed in private. Furthermore, beware of indifference to community prayer through love of your own devotions. If, however, after doing completely and faithfully all you are bound and commanded to do, you then have leisure, use it as personal piety suggests.
Not everyone can have the same devotion. One exactly suits this person, another that. Different exercises, likewise, are suitable for different times, some for feast days and some again for weekdays. In time of temptation we need certain devotions. For days of rest and peace we need others. Some are suitable when we are sad, others when we are joyful in the Lord.
Understand that my post is coming from someone who isn't good about this at all. We don't really have anything in place yet, and I keep thinking about it and bringing it up but not instituting anything. I'm terribly forgetful probably more than anything else, but certainly faults are a part of all this, for sure.
Anyway, I'm pretty uncomfortable with all this the same as you are. I remember many excruciating jr. and sr. high school experiences with "group prayers" and such.
I think the issue here, though, lies in the middle ground. It's not corporal prayer in the sense that the daily office is, no, and it's not personal prayer in the sense where it's just you and God. But as a couple or family, perhaps there's a semi-personal or "corpora-family" type prayer here.
To explore the issue a bit more here, no matter how you define this, and keeping in mind that you're not necessarily comfortable with it as it exists currently:
I think this could be a really really healthy thing for you both, as a couple, depending how you go about it. Perhaps one element is that while the two of you probably have a relatively high amount of "spiritual time" together, how is that time spent? (And yes, ALL time is spiritual time, thinking holistically, but focusing on a more specific sense) Corporal prayer, which is great, yes, but (whether or not I or you think she's fully right on this) Beth no doubt sees it as Corporal prayer -- not only because of upbringing but also from an emotional standpoint. Other spiritual time includes instruction or family prayer time or stories with kids, which is definitely great (and something I very much look forward to). And then, of course, are the times you're talking about one thing or another, whether it's a discussion, a debate, whether there are "sides" or not. However, what about a time where it's you, her, and God...no debates or leaning or something where she feels on less than equal footing (not so much that you're intimidating or posturing or anything in any of these other times, but where she feels able to express herself without it being a more intellectual or academic exercise). I think she probably needs a time where, in her mind, nothing is Protestant or Catholic or even feels one way or the other, but is just Beth & Jeff & God. I don't think this is anything about, you know, having to have it HER way so much as wanting a special spiritual time with you both involved, in addition to those other times. I actually think that this could be a really healthy thing. In the beginning, for example, your willingness to do so but first talking about your own discomfort with it and getting to the root of what's uncomfortable about it for you could really give her insight into what's going on in your head with this without it being part of a bigger debate as to whether or not you'll do it or not. In other words, you can make it not about whether or not you will do it, want to do it, or think it's valid to do it...but about the way in which you do it and the spirituality involved there.
Another suggestion is that (and this isn't necessarily how she would choose to do it herself, but how you yourself could do it within the context of both of you) you mix it in with a more liturgical prayer. I know there are prayers within a prayerbook I have where there's a " .... " section for that sort of thing, commemorations, etc.
Anyway, we have to get back to Stacey's efficiency apartment now. Yes, we're STILL staying there. Inspectors still haven't come yet, it's the Plumber one we're waiting on. My new landlord is probably going to go hunt him down tomorrow morning, he said.
